Remembering

God is good, even when we don’t feel like He is.

It was 6 years ago today that Bets died.  There are still times it catches up and I think, “Wow, did that really happen?  How could that have happened?”  There are times to be sad, times to mourn, and April 26th is still and forever will be one of them. 

I’ve been sitting here for 25 minutes not knowing how to write.  Or maybe just getting lost in memories and replaying events in my mind.  I could write pages of these stories and attributes of my dear friend, especially because most of you never knew her.  But today, I just want to be sad.

The phrase “God is good” has sadly become more of a cliché than anything else in our world today.  I would imagine anyone not knowing God personally probably assumes it’s merely something Christians say to make ourselves feel better, a distraction from having to face the deep sadness of tragedy.    

But its exhaustion and overuse makes it no less true.

God is good, because God is good.  His character can say nothing else.  And when I can believe that in the midst of tragedy, I know it is a gift, because I could not believe it on my own. 

It just doesn’t make sense to believe it when your best friend and 4 others are killed 3 weeks before graduation.

And so I know this is what He must have meant when He told us that faith is a gift.  Because in the midst of everything, I truly believe God is good – today, 6 years ago, in every heartache and tragedy that has come my way – There is this overwhelming peace at my core.  Like I know without a doubt, that God is good, even if I am devastated, even when I don’t understand, even when I feel forsaken.

Even Jesus felt forsaken at times.

I am thankful that we HAVE a God that always has our best interests in mind, even when we as His children don’t agree.  I am thankful that He provides us with peace that doesn’t make sense.  I am thankful for the hope of new life with Him, away from the pain of this world.

And I am thankful for Bets – for the ways she has impacted us all and continues to encourage me even today.

(For those that didn’t know her, here’s a pretty good description of how she lived her life.  We found it in her Bible a few days after the accident, a mission statement she had written as a Senior in high school):

People are my passion. 

I believe that people are my ministry. 

Working with the needs of people is my mission field. This must be my focus. 

I am supposed to love them with God's love, not my own; when I get hurt by sharing that love, it is hurting God even more than it hurts me. 

Working with people is draining, therefore I must rely on God and not myself. I cannot, absolutely cannot, help others without the wisdom and strength that God gives. Therefore God must be my first passion. When I am a failure and weak, it allows God to get bigger and Him to do more. God's power is made perfect in my weakness. II Corinthians 12:9. It will cost more to give more, but it will affect more. 

I must give all. 

My life should be a living sacrifice and a drink offering poured out to God. It cannot be me though because then it won't really be a ministry. 

Expect to get hurt,because the more I love, the more I will get hurt, BUT it is better to love and get hurt than never love and never get hurt. This is the cross I must bear. I cannot keep God's love to myself. I must share it. Is God's love truly overflowing in my life?

I need to learn to forgive and let go, I cannot hold grudges, and be fulfilling God's calling for my life. There is no room for an attitude. 

"He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose."

To me, this means giving my life away, because it is not mine to keep. It means spreading God's love for others to them, because that is not something I can keep to myself. By doing this, I am gaining an indescribable blessing and fulfillment. it gives my own life purpose and meaning. 

 At the end of my rope, God's rope just begins, I must give my life away to truly find it. Always remember that I'm only working for an audience of one.