Remembering

God is good, even when we don’t feel like He is.

It was 6 years ago today that Bets died.  There are still times it catches up and I think, “Wow, did that really happen?  How could that have happened?”  There are times to be sad, times to mourn, and April 26th is still and forever will be one of them. 

I’ve been sitting here for 25 minutes not knowing how to write.  Or maybe just getting lost in memories and replaying events in my mind.  I could write pages of these stories and attributes of my dear friend, especially because most of you never knew her.  But today, I just want to be sad.

The phrase “God is good” has sadly become more of a cliché than anything else in our world today.  I would imagine anyone not knowing God personally probably assumes it’s merely something Christians say to make ourselves feel better, a distraction from having to face the deep sadness of tragedy.    

But its exhaustion and overuse makes it no less true.

God is good, because God is good.  His character can say nothing else.  And when I can believe that in the midst of tragedy, I know it is a gift, because I could not believe it on my own. 

It just doesn’t make sense to believe it when your best friend and 4 others are killed 3 weeks before graduation.

And so I know this is what He must have meant when He told us that faith is a gift.  Because in the midst of everything, I truly believe God is good – today, 6 years ago, in every heartache and tragedy that has come my way – There is this overwhelming peace at my core.  Like I know without a doubt, that God is good, even if I am devastated, even when I don’t understand, even when I feel forsaken.

Even Jesus felt forsaken at times.

I am thankful that we HAVE a God that always has our best interests in mind, even when we as His children don’t agree.  I am thankful that He provides us with peace that doesn’t make sense.  I am thankful for the hope of new life with Him, away from the pain of this world.

And I am thankful for Bets – for the ways she has impacted us all and continues to encourage me even today.

(For those that didn’t know her, here’s a pretty good description of how she lived her life.  We found it in her Bible a few days after the accident, a mission statement she had written as a Senior in high school):

People are my passion. 

I believe that people are my ministry. 

Working with the needs of people is my mission field. This must be my focus. 

I am supposed to love them with God's love, not my own; when I get hurt by sharing that love, it is hurting God even more than it hurts me. 

Working with people is draining, therefore I must rely on God and not myself. I cannot, absolutely cannot, help others without the wisdom and strength that God gives. Therefore God must be my first passion. When I am a failure and weak, it allows God to get bigger and Him to do more. God's power is made perfect in my weakness. II Corinthians 12:9. It will cost more to give more, but it will affect more. 

I must give all. 

My life should be a living sacrifice and a drink offering poured out to God. It cannot be me though because then it won't really be a ministry. 

Expect to get hurt,because the more I love, the more I will get hurt, BUT it is better to love and get hurt than never love and never get hurt. This is the cross I must bear. I cannot keep God's love to myself. I must share it. Is God's love truly overflowing in my life?

I need to learn to forgive and let go, I cannot hold grudges, and be fulfilling God's calling for my life. There is no room for an attitude. 

"He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose."

To me, this means giving my life away, because it is not mine to keep. It means spreading God's love for others to them, because that is not something I can keep to myself. By doing this, I am gaining an indescribable blessing and fulfillment. it gives my own life purpose and meaning. 

 At the end of my rope, God's rope just begins, I must give my life away to truly find it. Always remember that I'm only working for an audience of one. 

  

...we have radars to protect us from butt cheeks...

Yes.  I said that during institute today. 

So about a month ago Jamie asked me if I could help her out and interpret institute during April since she would be loaded down interpreting for the master’s classes here in Santiago.

Of course I said sure. 

I love a challenge and I’m feeling that much more confident when it comes to interpreting.  It’s one thing to speak a language and whole other interpreting/translating, but like I said, I’m feeling feisty and ready for a challenge.

Side note.  Say “it’s a whole other world”.  Sounds strange?  I’ve always said, “it’s a whole nother world”, even though “nother” isn’t a word and keeps being squiggled with red. 

Ok, to the point.  Translating in Santiago is completely different than translating in Lautaro (what I did before in November) for one simple point.  There is no bus to go home on after I’m done.  I live here.  I know almost ever person in the class personally.  We will see each other on a daily basis for probably years to come.  All of this makes my little slip up that much more grandiose.

John Turner, Chirstine’s pastor from her childhood, is the professor, which is cool enough on it’s own having down here with us as he teaches.  We’re learning about leadership through the book of Nehemiah. 

So as John started to explain the importance of city walls during Nehemiah’s time period he makes a comparison to how now-a-days we have radars to protect us from rockets and other forms of attacks.

That’s nothing too hard to translate, right?  Well just as I get to the rockets part I pause for a split second and the words slips from my mind.  How do you say rockets?  Crap, I think its cachetes and so I go for it without any delay. 

Nope. 

A good way to figure out if you’re doing well when it comes to interpreting is looking at people’s faces.

There’s a beautiful mix of smiling/smirking/wanting to burst with laughter/drop jawed/stunned/disbelief.

Cohetes was what I should have said which would have translated the idea completely clearly.  What I actually said with the “cachetes” choice was

Now-n-days we have radars to protect us from butt cheeks!

Oh so close and yet such different worlds.

I will never forget the difference between those two words and all those students/friends will never let me hear enough.

Fear not ye fearful citizen, those dreaded butt cheeks won’t harm you, your family or your house, we’ve got radars!

Hey at least I didn’t say cachetones which would have been big ol’ butt cheeks. 

:)

Boundaries

We get invited to do things all the time.  And no, not because we’re just so popular :), it’s just that there’s a lot of work to do here.  I would love to become more involved with House of Hope, help lead our small group, finish all my Institute homework on time, develop a new Sunday School system, be able to (somehow) run our business and still teach the majority of the time, cook real meals every day (or even every other, let’s be honest…), help translate, improve our ESL program, be in the classroom more, teach violin, get to know the youth of our church, lead worship, and help coordinate our short-term teams.  Oh, and train Osita to do more than “sit” and “shake.”  And read more fiction.  Ok, now I’m pushing it, I know…

Obviously, all of that = not gonna happen.

Without a specific job title or specific hours, we’ve been careful not to say yes right away to things because we know 1) we would always be working, and 2) we would be spread too thin to do any of it well. 

And after 28 years, I’ve learned the damage that a lack of boundaries can bring to your life.  Bad boundaries with relationships = unfocused and unhealthy.  Bad boundaries with work = exhausted, burnt out, resentful, and again, unfocused.  Especially coming from teaching in the States, where it is very easy to work 12 hour days to come home and do more schoolwork, I know how easy it is to get so distracted from the big picture.      

So this week when we were asked to help out with House of Hope, my first thought, as usual, was to be careful.  Don’t say yes too quickly, don’t add one more thing to the agenda that already has a list of things you want to do when you have time…  Just be cautious.

And then, almost instantly, I hear this still small voice gently reminding me –

“Christine, I am never cautious with you.  I loved you so recklessly that it put me on a cross...”

Wow.

So this is what that means then?  Completely forgetting about myself?  Not worrying about my own needs?  Is that even possible?  Is it healthy?

And what I have finally realized is that it’s not about being reckless with other people, it’s about being reckless with God.  It’s in loving Him recklessly that we find our true selves, and that we not only find but are also given the energy to do whatever He calls us to do.  (FYI, that’s not always easy.  Actually, it’s usually harder than not.  And that’s why you need to be recklessly in love :) 

There is room (PLENTY) for boundaries in our world.  I still believe in saying no, limiting work hours, and having to sometimes distance yourself in relationships. 

But not with God.

I don’t know exactly what it looks like or how to do it; all I know is that every time I try to figure that out, I sense Him reminding me to stop looking at all the people and things and just look at Him.  If I am fixed on Him, everything else works itself out. 

So maybe you need to set some boundaries in order to get to the point of knowing God and loving Him recklessly.  (You won’t have any other choice once you really know Him, I promise!)  I couldn’t encourage that enough.

And maybe you’re like me.  Who still, after all these years, needs a good reminding that He is my first love, and He will never let me down.                 

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